diff --git a/packages/babel-core/src/api/node.js b/packages/babel-core/src/api/node.js
index 9a42109d95..eaf1c5e8ef 100644
--- a/packages/babel-core/src/api/node.js
+++ b/packages/babel-core/src/api/node.js
@@ -31,7 +31,193 @@ export function Plugin(alias) {
 }
 
 // Sorry about all the MBs...
-export const guy = "https://medium.com/friendship-dot-js/i-peeked-into-my-node-modules-directory-and-you-wont-believe-what-happened-next-b89f63d21558"; // eslint-disable-line max-len
+/* eslint-disable max-len */
+export const guy = [
+  "                                               `                  `",
+  "                                                   `              `   `",
+  "                                              ``.```    . ``      `  `. `",
+  "                                              ``````` ` ` `   ` . .  ``",
+  "                                              ```. `.```.   ... ``..```` `",
+  "                                      `  `   `` .`.`` ..`.``....`.`.`....` .",
+  "                                      ` ..`  `. ..``.`....``....```.....``` `",
+  "                                `    `.  ``.``.`.````.`.```...`.....``...````",
+  "                                    ` .  ...`,..`..```...``.````. `.```.`` .`",
+  "                                 .`  .````....`.````````````````````.````` ``",
+  "                                . .` ``.`.`.``````````````````.``````````  `   `",
+  "                               `.`` .```..`.````````````````````````````` `````",
+  "                                `.` ...```.`````````````````````````````.``.`...",
+  "                             ` ``..``````````````````````````````````````.`.``.`   `",
+  "                              ``````.`````````````````````````````````` ``..```  `.",
+  "                               ``..``````````````` .````````````````````.`..``` . `",
+  "                         .`  `` .`.``.```.``````````.```````````````````.``...`.  `",
+  "                          .``` .`.```````````````````````````````````````````.`. ``",
+  "                         ` ```` ....````````````..````` ```````````````````````.`.  `",
+  "                         ` ````..``````` ```````.`````` ````````` `````````..`..`.",
+  "                        . ` `.  ``.```````````````````` ```.````` `````.```.``..`. .",
+  "                         ` ``` `````` ``````````.``````````.````````.``.```.``..`.```",
+  "                        `` ``.   ````````` ``````````````..`````````.```. `````.`..``",
+  "                       `````.` ` ``````````.` ` ````````````````.` `.``.`````````. `.",
+  "                       `   `.`  `````` ````.```````````````.`.```````````````````.``.`",
+  "                     ```   `.````````` ``` ``````````````````````````````````````...``",
+  "                      ```    `.`````` `````````.``````.````.``````````````````````.``.",
+  "                      `.` `.`  ````````````.````````.`````````````````````` ````````.`",
+  "                       ` ` ```   ``` ```  `.``````````.```.`..``..``.``````  `````.`..",
+  "                        ``````. `````` `` ``````.``.``.`````..``````.````.`` ``````... `",
+  "                        ```````..```````` ````.`.```````````..````````.```````````..``",
+  "                        `.````` ` ````` `  `````.``.``````....``````.`.`..````````.```..",
+  "                        `````.````  ``` ``  ````````.````.``..`.` ````.`.``.`````````.``",
+  "                     ` `` `.`.`` `     ` ` ```.`````````````.``.``.`.`...``....``````.` `",
+  "                       ``..```````` ` `. ``````...`````````````.`.`.`.....,,....````..`",
+  "                      `.`,``````.```   `` ` .```..`````````.```````..,,...,,,,...```````",
+  "                      `.`.`` ```````   ``````.`````````````````..`........,,,,...`````.````",
+  "                       `.``.```````` ` ``.`..``.`....````````............,,,,,,..`````.",
+  "                     ` ...`````````` `````.`.......`````````..`..`.......,,,,,,.`..`.`. `",
+  "                      ``..`````````````.`..........`````````````........,.,,,,,........`",
+  "                      ``````````````````.............````````````........,,,,,,.`.......",
+  "                      .````. ``` `` `.....``.......`.````````````........,,,,,,,.....`.`",
+  "                      `` `` ```` `````.............``````````````.......,,,,,,:,.......``",
+  "                       ``.``  ``` ````................``````````.......,,,,,:,,,...`...`",
+  "                     ` .`````  ``.````................`````````........,,.,,:,::,......`",
+  "                     ``````````` `````.................```````.........,,,,,:,,:..`..,.`",
+  "                      ```.``````` ```....................```..........,,,,,,,,::,.`.....`",
+  "                      . `.``````..````.......,............``.........,,,,,,,,,,:,...,...",
+  "                      `.  ``````.`.````.,.............................,,,,,,,:,:,....,..`",
+  "                       `. `````..`.````.,...,........................,,,,,,,,,,::,...,..",
+  "                      ``.``````....```..,,.,,,,......................,,,,,,,,,:::,,.,,.`",
+  "                      `````````.``.```...,.,,,,,....................,,,,,,,,,,,::,,,.,,`",
+  "                       `.``.`.``..``.....,.,..,,,....................,,,,,,,,,,:::,.,.,,",
+  "                       .```.`..``.```.``.,.,,.,,,,,..................,,,,,,,,,,:::,,.,,`",
+  "                      ` .```.........``..,,,,,,,.....................,,,,,,,,,,:::,,..,`",
+  "                      `` `.````,`,`.```..,,,..,,,.......................,,,,,,,,:::,..,",
+  "                       `````````.`..``...,,,.,,,........................,.,,,,,,:::;,.,.",
+  "                       .`....````,..`.`.,,,,,,,,,........................,,,,,,::::',.,.",
+  "                       ```.... ``.`..`.`,,,,,,,,.,.......................,,,,,,::::;:,,.",
+  "                       ```.,..` ```.. `..,,,,,,,,.,......................,,,,,,,:::;;,:;.",
+  "                       ``...,,,..``.`.`..,,,,,,,,.......................,,,,,,,:::::;,.;`",
+  "                        ````,,.,,..`.`...,,,,,,,,..........`..........,,,,,,,,,,::::;,.:`",
+  "                         `.``...`..```.`.,,,,,,,,....................,,,,,,,,,::::::;:,;.",
+  "                         `.``.`.,``...`.,,,,,,,,,...................,,,,,,::;;;';;::::,;,",
+  "                         ......`````...,:,,,,,,,,,..............,,,,,,:::'''''''''::::,:,",
+  "                         `.....,.......,,,,,,,,,.,,......,,...,,,,,,::;;'++++++''';:::,,,",
+  "                        `..````.......,:,,,,,,,,..,..,...,,,,,,,,,,,:;'++##++''';;;:::,,.",
+  "                          ..``..`..,,:,,,,,,,,,,...,,,..,,:,,,,,,,,,:;'+++'';;;;::;::::.`",
+  "                         `..,.`..,..,,:,,,,,,,,,,,.,,,::::::::,::,,:;'''';;;;;;;:::::::,`",
+  "                         `.,,..,,,...:,,,,,,,,:,::::;;''';;::::,::::;;'''+####++;::::::,`",
+  "                         ``.,:,,,.`..,,,,,,,,,::;;;''+++''';;::,,,,:;''++#@@@####;:::::,.`",
+  "                          .,:;,,,,.:.:,,,,,,,:;''''++++++';;;::,,,:;'+'''@'@@#+++';::::,,",
+  "                          ..';',,.:.,,,,,,,,:;;'''+''+';;;;;;;:,,,:;'+'###+';'';;'::,:::.",
+  "                           `:::;:,,...,,,,,,;;'''';;:;;;;;;;;;:,..,;+##';;:;;;::::::,,::`",
+  "                           ,::,,::....,.,,,,;;;;;;:::'#++;;;;;:...,;++';;:::::::;:,:,::;`",
+  "                           ,;;:,,.....,,.,,:;;;;:;;+@@@'+'';;':.`.,:''';:::::::;:,,,,::;",
+  "                           .;;':::....,,,,,:;;;;;+##@@#+###'';:.`..,;;;;;;;;;;;;:,,:,,:;",
+  "                           `;;+':,....,,..,:;;;;###@+#+'';;:;::.`..,,;:::;;;;;:.,,:,:::;`",
+  "                            ;;'';,,....,,,,,:;;+++';::;;::;;;,:....,,,::,,,:,,...,,::::;,",
+  "                            :;;'',..,...,,,,:;;;,:,,:,::;;;::,,......,:,,,.......,,,::,;:",
+  "                            :';;':....,,,,::::;:,,,,,,:;;;:::,.....,.,,,,........,,,::,;:",
+  "                            .;:;;:.,,,,,,,,:,.,,:,,:::;;::,:,,......,,,,,........,,,,:,;:",
+  "                             :;;;;,..,,,,,,...,.,:::;;;;:,,,,...``..,..,,........,,,,:,;:",
+  "                             :;;::,,,,,,,,,..,.,,::;;::,.,,,,...```..,,:,,........,,,,,:;",
+  "                             .:::;:.:,,,,,,,,.,,............,..`.``.,,:;:,,.......,,,,,:;",
+  "                              ,:::;:,:,,,,,,,.....``.`.........````..,;'';,......,,,,,,,:",
+  "                              :;,:;::,,:,,,,......````.`....,,,.```..,;;'',,,,,,.,,,,,,,'",
+  "                              ,:.:;:::,,,,,,.....````````...,:,,````.,;,,#':,,,,,,,,,,,,.,",
+  "                               ,,:;:;:::,,,,,....`````````.,:::,.```.,,.,:+;:,,,,,,,,,,,.,",
+  "                               ,:,,::::,:,,,.....````````.,:,,:,..``..,..,'';:,,,,:::,,:,`",
+  "                               ,,:,:::::,,,,......``````..::...,..``..,,,,'';;,,:,:::,::,`",
+  "                               ,.:,,::::,,,,.............,;:......```.,,,,''';:,::::::::,,",
+  "                                ,.,,::::,,,,............,:;:......``..,,,,''';::::::;::::'",
+  "                                ,..,::::,,,,,..........,:;::.........,,.:#''';;:::;;;;;;;`",
+  "                                ,.,,:::,,,,,..........,:;;::,,,,,...,,:;##';'+;:::;;;;;;:",
+  "                                `..,::::,,,,,,,.......::;;:::::::,,,,:;###':;+':::;;;;;;:",
+  "                                 ..,::::,,,,,,,,,....,:;';::''';:::::;'##+;';'+;::;;;;;;:",
+  "                                 :,,:::,,:,,,,,,,,...,:;;:::;'++';;;;;##+#''+++;;;;;;;;;,",
+  "                                  ,,:::,,,:,,,,,,,,,,:;';;:;;+##++'''###++++'++';;;;;;;;.",
+  "                                 `.:::::,:,:,::,,,,,::;';;;;;'+#+##++###++''++++;:;;;';;`",
+  "                                 . `,:::::::::::::,,::;'';;;;'++++#+'+#+++':'+++;::;;;;;",
+  "                                 ,  '::::::::::::::::;'''';;;''+++##'++'+';;++++;::;;;;'",
+  "                                 :  +:::::::::;::::::;'+';;';'+++++++++''''#+'++;:;;;;;'",
+  "                                 .  +:;::::::;:::;::;'+++''';'''+'++';;'';@#++++::;;';;:",
+  "                                  :.+;;;:::::::;;:::;'+++''':;;;'';;;'';,;@#++++;:';;;'`",
+  "                                  ,::;;;::;:::::;:::;++++''';;;;;;''';;::@##+'++;:;';;'",
+  "                                   ':;;;;;;:;:;;;:::;+++#@;,,:,,,,.:.,::@@#+';'+:;;;;;'",
+  "                                   #@';;;;:::::::;:::'+#+#@;,,.,.,`:,,'#@#+';;'+;;;;;',",
+  "                                   +#:;;;;;;::::;::::;++'##@@#+#::.,'#####+';;'+'';;;'",
+  "                                   ;@,;;;;;;;::;;:::::++';+#####++######++';;;;+''';;'",
+  "                                   #@;';;;;;;::::::,,:;+;::'+##++++#+'#+'';;;:;++';;;,",
+  "                                  `##@+;;;;;;::::;::,,;+::::;;'++''+++'';;;;;;;++'';;#@+",
+  "                                  .;@#:';;';;:::::::,,;+;::,:::;;;'';;::;:;;:;;++';''@@@@@@@:`",
+  "                                  ,+@@,';;;;;;::::;:,,;+;,,,,::,.,::,,:;;::::;;++';;'@@@@@@####@#;,;,`",
+  "                                  ,+#@+';;'';;;:::::::;+;:,::,::,,..,::;;::::;'++';;'@@@@@@@@@@#######@@@:`",
+  "                                  ,+###,';;'';;::::::,:+::,,::,::,,,,::;::::::;++';;'#@@@@@@##@##@@@@######@:`",
+  "                                  .+;##:';;'';;;::::::;+',,,:::,,,,,:::;,:::::'++';''@@@@@@@@###@#############@;  `",
+  "                                  .'+#@#;;;;;;;;::::;::+':,,,,::,,,:,::,:,,:::'+#;;;'@@@@@@@@#####################@@",
+  "                                  .':;@#,';;'';;:::;:::+'::,,,:::,,::,,...,,::'+#;;;'@@@@@@@@#######################@",
+  "                                  `+@;+##'';;;;;:::::;;+'::.,,,,..,,,...,,,:::'+#';;'@#@@@@@#@#######################@",
+  "                                  ;#@#'#@:';;;;;;;::::'+':,,,,,,....,....,,,::'+#';;'@#@@@@@#@########################+",
+  "                                 ',+##+'@#:';;;;;:::::;++:,,,,,..,....,...,:,;'+++;;'@+#@@@@@@@########################'",
+  "                                `#;+#+#++#++;;;;;::::,;#'',...,...,,,..,`.,,:;++#+;;'@##@@@@###@########################'",
+  "                                ###:#'#+;@':+;;;;;::::;++':,.............,,,,;'###;;'@##@@@@@##@#########################'",
+  "                               #### #'##+@@',';;;;:::::#+;:,,.......`....:,.:;+##+';'@#@@@@@@###@#########################+",
+  "                              :####+:+@#+###+:;;;;;::,;+++;,,.,`,....`...,:,:'+#++;;+##+@@@@@##############################+",
+  "                              ###### ##'###@##;;;;;:::'##+':,,...`....,,.,:,;;###+';#:@##@@@@###############################+",
+  "                             +#######,#@###@@+#;;;;;:::+#+'::,..,,...,..,:::;'#+++';+:##+#@@@#################################",
+  "                            .########.#@###@@#'@;;;;;;;+##+;::,.,,.,..,,.,:;;+#+##+'+#+@'#@@@##################################",
+  "                            ########## @#@#@@##'@;;;;'++#++';;:,,,,,,,,,:,:'+##+#+''##,@;@@@@##################################.",
+  "                           ############,@###@@#++#;;;;'####''';:,,,,.,.,,:;'++###'';#@,#'@@@@@##################################",
+  "                          .###########'.#####@##+##;'+######++';;,,.,,.,.;;'+#++''';#@;+@@@@@###################################.",
+  "                          @##########';;`#@##@@##'@#'+#####+##+';;,,,,,,.;+++++'''';#@@;+##@@####################################;",
+  "                         ###########+;;;;;####@#''#@##########+#+':,.,:,,;++#+''''''+@@,#+#@@####################################@.",
+  "                        +##########+;;;;;;#@###@+''##############;;:,.::::+#''''''''+##:#;#@@####################################@#",
+  "                       :###########;;;;;;;;@###@@+'@@###+#+######'',,.:,;:++';'''';++@#+;:@@@@###################################@#,",
+  "                       ###########;;;;;;;;;;##@#@#'###@@#+++###+++'::,,,'';''''''''++#++.:#@@#######################################",
+  "                      +##########+;;;;;;;;;;:#@#@@++##@@@#@++####+';,,,,,;''''''''++'#;;@;@@########################################",
+  "                     `########+##;;;;;;;;;;;';###@#+##@@@@@;+';'+++;:,.,,;'''''''+++'##;#'@#@####################################@##",
+  "                    `###########+;;;;;;;;;;;;:'#@#@#+#@@@@@:#';;;;';:,,,:''''''''++''+#:####@####################################@##",
+  "                   .############;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,+#@###+@@@@@;#+';''';;;:,:''+''+'+++'++@@'###@#######################################,",
+  "                  `###########+';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'##@###@@@@#++'''''';,:,;'++++++++'''+#;;@##@@######################################@",
+  "                  ##########++#;;;;;;;;'';;;;;;','#@@###@@@@'#+''''';:::++++++++++'+'+;:,@##@########################################,",
+  "                 +############;;;;;;;;;''';;;;;;'.:#@###@@@@:#++''''';:+'####++++++'''#+.###@@######################################++",
+  "                 #########@###;;;;;;;;;;''';;;;;'',,#@###@@@:#++++++++##########+++'';+':#@#########################################+'.",
+  "                '##+######@@@#;;;;;;;;;;;''';;;;;';,`#####@@'##+++++###########+++''';+:;@##@########################################''",
+  "                ####+#######@#';;;;;;';;;;''';;;;;'':`##+#@@#+#################+++'';;#'########################################@#####'",
+  "               :##############'';;;;;;;';;'''';;;;''';`:#+##@;#################++''';;+'###############################################:",
+  "               ###########+###;'';;;';+;::,;''';;;;''''.`@##@,@##@@@@@@#########++';;;;,@######################################@#######:",
+  "              #########+#+##++;'';;';;;''';;;''';;;;'''';`.@+.@@#@@@@@@@#######++''';;',###############################################+.",
+  "             `#########++####;;;'+';;'';:;';'##+';;;'''''';`.,@@@@@@@@@@######+++'';;;+;################################################.",
+  "             ###########+++#';;;;'';;;#':+,';+#'+';;;''''''';.`#@###@@@@######+++';;;;'#################################@###############'.",
+  "            ;#############'';;;;;;;;;'+++;:+;,+#'';;;;''''''''+:`:+@##########++''';;;,@################################################+.",
+  "            #############;;;;;;;;;;;;:'#+++;',,:#''';;'''''''''''+':,:+#@#####++'''';;.@###############################################'+'`",
+  "           #############;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;+#;+++';;;++';;;''''''''''''++++;,;@##++''''';;:@################################################''`",
+  "          .##########+#;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;#;+'#+';'#'+';;;''''''''''''''++++'.'++''''';;'@################################################;'`,",
+  "          ###########++;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;;'+'++';,;'#''';;;'''''''''''''''+++++::'''';';#@##################################@####@########''`;:",
+  "         ;#########@##;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;'+#+###'::;'+';;;''''''''''''''''++'''+::'';;,@##################################@##############+''. `",
+  "         #####@@###+#;;;;;;;;;;;;;;+:+++''#####++::''+';;;''''''''''''''''''''''':;;;.###################################@@##############'''.",
+  "        '###@@######';;;;;;;;;;;;;;#+##+''######'+;'++'';;;;''''''''''''''''''''''':'.#@@################################@@##############'''+@.",
+  "        ###@@#######;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;+##+''#######+':''+';;;;'''''''''''''''''''''''+:,##@################################@@##############+''+;,",
+  "       '#@@####@@@@@;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;+++''+++###+;;#++:;''';;;;;''''''''''''''''''''''+;#@@################################@@###############''';'",
+  "       #@########@@@#;;;;;;;;;;;;;;'''''#++++#++@;+++;:+';;;;;''''''''''''''''''''''+'@@#################################@@################'#+#`",
+  "      ,@@###########@+;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;++'+++;:#'#;'++;'+';;;;;;'''''''''''''''''''''##@#################################@@#################++#:",
+  "      #@#############+';;;;;;;;;;;;::::;+'+++;,#+#'++';''';;;;;;;''''''''''''''''''+;##@#################################@@##################'''",
+  "      @#############;;;';;;;;;;;;;;:::;+##'+';;+#@+@+#:;''';;;;''''''''';''''''''''':##@##################################@###################''",
+  "     +##############;;;;';;;;;;;;;;:::,'###'+;''++@#+##;''';;;;''''''''';;''''''''''.##@##################################@#################@#+'.",
+  "     @##############;;;;;';;;;;;;;;:,::;###++;':'+';++##;''';;;''''';;''';';''''''''`##@##################################@################@###';",
+  "    ;##############+;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::,,;+####'',''+##+#';;'';;;;''''';''';;;''''''''`##@##################################@#############@##@####'",
+  "    @#############++;;;;;;'';;;;;;;:,,,:'##+#'+''''+#+#+;;;+';;;''''';;'';;;''''''''.##@@#################################@###############@#####+,",
+  "    ###############';;;;;;;';;;;;;;:,:,,;++'###+:'''#;###;;'+;;;;;'''';;;;;;'''''''',#####################################@@##@##########@@######'",
+  "   :##############+;;;;;;;;;';;;;;;:,,,::+#@####;'''';##+;;'+';;;'''''';;;;;'''''''''###@##################################@##@##########@########",
+  "   @###############;;;;;;;;;;';;;;;;;::,,;+###'#+,'';'##+;;;'+;;;;;'''''';;;''''''';+###@##################################@##@#########@@########:",
+  "   ################;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;#;:,,:+##+@##;'+:''#;';;''';;;''''''''''''''''',####@##################################@##@########@@##########",
+  "  `###############+;;;;;;;;;;;';;;;;;;':,,;+##+;##';+'',#;;;;'+;;;;''''''''''''''''.####@##################################@##@########@###########",
+  "  ,#############+#+;;;;;;;;;;;;';;;;'#:;,,:;##;####+'+''++:;;''';;;;;'''''''''''''' #######################################@##@#######@@###########,",
+  "  ###############';;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;;;'#'';;#':'#;##+++'',+;;;;'+;;;;;''''''''''''''`#######################################@##@#######@############'",
+  "  @##########@;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;;''+':::'+#:@###++;+;'';;;''';;';'''''''''''''':#####@#################################@#@#######@############+;",
+  "  ##########+;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;;';,:',;#+#++'###+:'';;';;###;;;;';''''''''''';'#######################################@@@####################+',",
+  " `########@'';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;:';;;:#+;';'@+@#++;+::;;;@##';;;;;''''''''''':######@#################################@#@######@##############'+",
+  " ;#######@;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';;:'''''##'#+,#'';+:'+':;;+##+;;;;;'''''''';''`######@#################################@@@@####################'+",
+  " @#######;'';;;;;;;;;;';';;;;;;;;;;';;',;,+,;###;+;####+'+':;'+##+';;;''''''''''''`######@#################################@@@#####################';`",
+  " #######;;'';;;;;;;;;;;'''';;;;;;;;'';',,'':'+###;@:##;;++::;+###++;;;''''''''''''.#######@################################@@@######################;:",
+].join("\n");
+/* eslint-enable max-len */
 
 //
 
diff --git a/packages/babel-core/test/api.js b/packages/babel-core/test/api.js
index 18ddd0d1b9..1b6a7ddbfe 100644
--- a/packages/babel-core/test/api.js
+++ b/packages/babel-core/test/api.js
@@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ var sourceMap            = require("source-map");
 var assert               = require("assert");
 var File                 = require("../lib/transformation/file").default;
 var Plugin               = require("../lib/transformation/plugin");
+var url                  = require("url");
 
 function assertIgnored(result) {
   assert.ok(result.ignored);
@@ -428,6 +429,10 @@ suite("api", function () {
     ])
   });
 
+  test("guy", function() {
+    assert.equal(typeof babel.guy, "string");
+  });
+
   suite("env option", function () {
     var oldBabelEnv = process.env.BABEL_ENV;
     var oldNodeEnv = process.env.NODE_ENV;